|Psalms 40:2 – “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and game me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.”
“Perfectly Loved”, by Rachel Lampa is a beautiful song. Had I heard it when I was younger, I don’t know if I could have received it. I was probably 12 when someone told my dad they thought I was depressed. I remember his anger that I let someone see that side of me, that side of him. I embarrassed him. To be safe, I could never let someone see that again, so I masked my pain. Fast forward to after having my child. The enemy tried to break me again. I was convinced that his life would be better without me in it. My thoughts were consumed with this idea and how to set him up for life without me. I started dog sitting and walking any and every dog I could. People would laugh at me because I would get up to 15 dogs at a time some days. I put every penny I made into his checking account. Once I reached my dollar amount needed, it would be time for my release. I drafted a hundred goodbye letters. God knew my personality and fought this battle for me in secret. I never made it to my set goal.
On the surface, everything looked fine. On the inside it was torture and hell. I’m praying for those who don’t have the words or the strength to cry out. I’m praying for those who mask their hurt behind their kind eyes and funny jokes. I pray God places people (or dogs) in their paths when they need them most. I’ve been in the dark pit that feels impossible to get out of. I pray they know this – There is breakthrough to the other side if you stay, so please stay.