|Psalms 23:4 – “Even if I walk through a valley as dark as the grave, I will not be afraid of any danger.”|
My field that I’ve taken prayer walks in for the last year is being demolished today. As they’re tearing up the dirt and ripping out the trees, my heart feels a pang of sadness. I’m sad seeing what it is now. So many good thoughts, prayers and revelations happened on this field! As I’m sitting across the way and watching the workers hustle along on their machines, I’m wondering how am I going to pray walk now? I don’t see any option that I like except for remaining in what used to be, and that hurts my heart. I know that what was good for that time is not what is good and relevant for this time now. And that grieves me.
I’ve gone through so many changes in the last year. Some changes I could instantly see the good from. Some of them, well… I’m still wondering how they can be good. God is pruning out the bad for the good… the good for the better… the better for the best. To be completely honest though, some of this pruning is pretty painful. I thought at first it was the circumstances that hurt, but as I’m watching the field being torn up, I’m realizing that my hurt really lies in the loss. The loss of what once brought me happiness. The loss of where I once found comfort. The loss of the prior season. There’s a time for growth and a time for pruning. While in the middle of growing, it’s hard to see the growth. And when it comes time to prune, I am hesitant to want to let it go.
I’ve seen the blueprints so I know what the field will eventually be. But with my life, I don’t have access to that blueprint. So I wrestle in the not knowing. I don’t know how some of the things I experience will turn out good. But what I do know is that God will restore what was lost. He’s already shown me that by providing me a family within the church who make sure we know that we’re loved and cared for. Life is different than I thought it would be and I’m going to wrestle with many more changes in life. BUT… Psalms 23-
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows